Had a frighteningly lucid and painless conversation on sunday with Grandma... she only said the same thing 5 times this conversation, and interestingly, it was about expressing an interest in leanring more about me. I think she forgot her animosity for a day, because it was her 90th birthday. I actually called to wish her a happy birthday, good and dutiful granddaughter that I am...
I'm planning a 'super secret' memorial service with some of Mom's friends, because I was so aggrivated that grandma was taking over the memorial service plans and basically forcing things into a dull and homogenous yacht club experience.... Maybe I need to press more to get involved, maybe I need to be pushier. But in honesty, I just can't really do that right now. I'm through fighting and I'm through trying to plan things, because inevitably, I always get dissappointed.
If I do this gathering with Mom's friends, and my friends who remember Mom, it will feel so much better- so much more real. I'll go to the yacht club one, and I'll make nice, but I will really let my hair down at the one the cool kids are having.
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